Still on the Journey

It's been a little while since I've posted. However, not having heard any outcry for an update, I'm pretty sure no one has missed my little musings. But I press on with the blog because, if for no other reason, it gives me something to do.

It's been about two and a half months since I started and I've lost 34 lbs so far. I've got 30 to go to reach my goal so I'm a little over half way there. So, here's a re-cap of everything that has happened so far. I've been able to completely quit taking my diabetes medicine for about a month now. My blood sugar levels have been rock solid. I also have been able to drastically cut back on my blood pressure meds, though not completely. Also, as you might expect, my physical energy level has dramatically increased.

As I was contemplating the weight I've lost and the changes that have come into my life, I was struck with the thought of other "weight" that I needed to lose. What would it be like to be completely free of the heavy burden of judgement, comparing, appearance management, criticism, self-righteousness, anger, contempt, pride and so on and so on...? Being angry or treating someone with contempt, no matter how small, is a heavy weight to carry. Always trying to please someone else or compare myself to someone else is like carrying an extra 50 lbs of emotional and spiritual baggage. What other heavy weights can you think of that you might be carrying? How do we go on a diet for this kind of excess "fat"?

I believe the answer lies in making a conscious decision to say "No" to indulging in such things. We do have a choice of how to respond when we are mistreated or misunderstood. We do have the power to decide how to relate to others in every situation. Our master Teacher, Jesus, will show us how to respond and how to act in relation to people that we encounter in every situation if we will just ask Him. I know it sounds simple but my experience lately has been that He is more than willing to be my teacher in every area of my life if I will invite Him to be so. He is helping me lose some of that other "weight" that is just as harmful, if not more so, than physical obesity. At least, that's the way I see it.

The Six-Week Update

It has been just about six weeks since I began this weight loss journey. If you've been following this blog you know that it hasn't been a completely smooth journey to this point but it has been richly rewarding. After starting at 249 lbs and taking 7 pills a day for both diabetes and high blood pressure, I'm happy to report that I have lost 23 lbs and down to 2 pills a day. My cravings for junk food have pretty much disappeared and my energy level has increased tremendously.

I still slightly over one-third of the way to my goal but I know that reaching it is a foregone conclusion. The rewards of losing weight far outweigh the momentary satisfaction of fattening foods. The most rewarding side effect of losing weight is the way that my eating habits are changing. I am beginning to genuinely crave healthy foods instead of the old fat and carb laden-ed foods I used to eat. Salads and vegetables are more appealing to me than pizza and burgers. That is not to say that I won't ever eat pizza or burgers again but I will approach them much differently than in the past.

I went "shopping" in my closet and found some shirts that I haven't been able to wear for the last couple of years and they fit perfectly! It was like getting something new. It was also a reminder that I was much thinner before and that most of the weight I'm losing was put on in the last two to three years.

Finally, the most exciting development on this journey has been the stabilization of my blood sugar. I am no longer taking any medication for my diabetes and my blood sugar has been rock solid for the past two to three weeks. This is truly an answer to prayer! Of course I have emailed my physician with this news just to let him know what's going on and I had a conversation about it with a personal friend who is a physician.

One last thing. People are taking notice that I am losing weight. It's nice to personally know that I'm dropping pounds but it is so much more encouraging when others start to take notice. So it's 23 down and 41 to go to reach my goal. Stay tuned!

There's Always Enough

My experiences of "turbulence" in my dieting journey has caused me to reflect deeper on the role that food has played in my life. I have come to realize that food has played a major role in my source of comfort and well-being. Certainly I know I'm not alone in this as I know there are millions of people in the same boat. Food has become one of the main stress relievers in our culture and the obesity rates stand as proof of this fact. Before anyone gets edgy, I know that other factors are involved in obesity such as metabolic rate differences, genetics, socio-economic background and the like. But for me food has been the main source of entertainment my entire adult life. It's almost a hobby.

There certainly is nothing wrong with enjoying food. It is one of the joys of life! The over-enjoyment or rather, over-indulgence, of food is something different all together. I have been guilty of routinely throwing moderation out the window when it comes to chowing down on my favorite foods. What I didn't realize in those times was that my over-indulgence was rooted in a basic lack of trust in God to consistently provide for my needs. I sometimes ate as if I would never get another chance.

This has helped me to realize that I had adopted a "scarcity" mentality at a very early age. I was raised in a large family with three brothers and four sisters. Ours was a single-income home and my dad was a pastor. Needless to say we weren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. My mother was a Southern-bred cook who was very talented and resourceful when it came to preparing meals. The woman could flat-out cook! I honestly don't ever remember going hungry but I do vividly remember fearing that there would sometimes not be enough left for me as the serving bowls made their way around the crowded table.

Its funny now when I look back and realize that God demonstrated over and over again to our family that he was a God of abundance not scarcity. There were times when food would magically appear at our house -- brought in by someone who just happened to think we might need some. One time a farmer in our church had a steer butchered and stocked a big freezer for us with enough meat to last a full year. Even when I was afraid that there would not be enough, God was always showing us that we could trust Him to provide.

There are certainly other factors involved that have helped to produce my abuse of food over the years. But for me, acknowledging that there has been a basic lack of trust in God's power to provide for my needs is helping me to put the consumption of food in its proper place. I am coming to discover that God has always been about abundance. He has no shortages of anything!I can trust him completely on this journey to provide for my needs today.

Turbulence

I don't fly a lot but I have flown many times. It is rare that I have taken a flight with absolutely no turbulence. It has happened once or twice that I've had a smooth flight from beginning to end. However, on most flights there has been the occasional bumpy ride through portions of the flight. It usually comes without warning. Everything is going smoothly then bang, we hit the pothole in the air. It's unsettling and annoying but usually only temporary.

This past week I've run into turbulence with my diet. Everything was going so smoothly then, bump...bump...hunger pangs, cravings, fatigue, temptation to cheat... all suddenly appeared to rattle my smooth ride. I began to think about food all the time. I could smell the food that I saw advertised on TV. (Why are there so many fast food commercials on late in the evening?) I started to think of ways I could cheat. I even briefly entertained the thought of giving up completely. Briefly.

But I persisted. I didn't cheat and I didn't stop. I've stayed the course. The reward has come in seeing the number on the scale decrease ever so slightly each time I weigh in. I kept constantly reminding myself of my goal and the fact that I have made myself accountable to others to reach it. So, turbulence will just have to be endured on this trip even though it is unsettling and annoying.

Then today I broke into clear "air". The bumpy ride smoothed out as suddenly as it began. It started when I stepped on the scale and saw that I had dropped another pound. (I've lost 12 lbs in my first 10 days) Throughout the day I have experienced more energy and feelings of vitality than ever before. My mental state has turned to positive and I have regained the focus I began to lose. It short, today has been fantastic!

Will there be more turbulence? Probably. The ride has just begun and I'm still a good ways from reaching my destination. But today has taught me that it's only temporary and it's part of the journey. There are also some important lessons to be learned by going through the turbulence and that's the focus of my next post. Till then, thanks for reading and feel free to share your own thoughts about the kinds of turbulence you face on your journey and how you manage them.

The First Weekend

For me, the weekend means temptation. It is the treasured break from the working routine of the week and has always been the time to let go a little bit and have fun. My weekends aren't always full of fun but at least it's the myth I keep telling myself. It's usually time to go out and enjoy a meal at a favorite restaurant or watch a movie and load up on popcorn and the like.

How was my new Medifast routine going to hold up on the weekend? Would I have the strength to stay on track? Well, I have to report that the specter of diet failure never materialized for me and I had no difficulty at all staying the course. And yes, I was able to go out to eat with friends and still find food choices that were within my program. I didn't miss a thing! In fact I was able to eat some of my Medifast meals that are not possible to eat during my regular weekday routine, such as soup and stews.

After nearly a week on the program I have come to the conclusion that eating 6 small meals every two to three hours is the way to go regardless of what diet you may be on. It is a way of eating that is in tune with your body's needs and not being a slave to a paradigm of just eating three times a day, hungry or not. My body is good at telling me when it's time to eat, not the other way around. The small meals keep me satisfied and constantly fueled.

So where am I after my first five full days? I have lost 9 lbs...nearly two pounds per day! I know that this type of loss will be impossible to sustain because in the beginning there is a lot of fluid weight loss along with the fat. The loss will eventually slow down to 2 - 5 pounds per week or roughly 10 - 20 pounds per month. I'll take that! The journey continues...

Day 3 - Going Great

I am now in day 3 of my weight loss journey using the Medifast weight loss program. It is also my 57th birthday. (Does that sound old to anyone else?) Since I began on Tuesday I have lost just under 5 lbs. which has me really stoked. I haven't had any hunger issues and really don't expect anything seriously overwhelming at this point. I'm pretty much through the 72-hour adjustment period and I find that my energy level is increasing. Although the loss of 5 pounds isn't readily noticeable in my appearance, I can feel it. The trousers are ever so slightly more baggy than before.

I'm starting to discover which foods I like and which ones I probably won't order again. I have really liked most everything so the "dislike" list is very short. Of course, I haven't had a chance to sample everything that I've ordered so that list could very well grow. My favorites so far are the scrambled eggs and the Parmesan cheese puffs. My least favorite are the cinnamon pretzel sticks, probably because they are made of soy protein instead of bread. No worries though. My evening meals have consisted of lean meat and vegetables. Applebee's has a very good steak and vegetable meal with only 380 calories.

The Medifast meals are very small but filling. Eating six times a day keeps the hunger at bay. (Hey, that rhymes!) There's still some lingering feelings of deprivation, knowing that there are certain foods that I just can't have right now. But I'm confident that when I've reached my goal weight it will have been a very small price to pay for the benefits of better health. This, like other things we go through, is just a season.

Seasons of change, especially ones that bring positive change, are good for us even though they may be difficult to go through. There's always something to learn about yourself and about God in such upheaval. For me, the upheaval is welcomed. To remain on the path that I was on was only going to lead to more trouble and difficulty for me in the long run.

I must remember that it has only been three days and that I have a long way to go on this journey. There are things yet unseen that will challenge my focus and determination. The support of my friends and the power of Christ will enable me to prevail. On to day 4...

The Journey: Day 1

All in all, today was a very good day. For breakfast I had the scrambled eggs. They were surprisingly tasty considering it was a packet of "eggs" mixed with water and microwaved for about 90 seconds. They reminded me of the kind of eggs in a cheap breakfast buffet or the kind you used to get on an airplane. The taste and texture were appealing so I'm happy.

My meals for the rest of the day consisted of a chocolate "shake" drink, a chocolate crispy bar, cinnamon pretzels, a snack of ranch-flavored soy crisps, broiled chicken with asparagus and green beans, and a cup of hot chocolate.

I haven't experience a lot of hunger during the day and my energy level was about what it usually is. Just when the hunger started to come it was time for another small meal which was surprisingly filling. The meals are high in protein and fiber and low in carbohydrates which helps you feel full after eating. My biggest challenge during the day was cleaning the windows of one of my favorite Chinese restaurants. It smelled so good! I was glad when I was finished.

The approach to the Medifast program is to get your body into a fat-burning state. It takes about 72 hours on the program to achieve this. So, the first three days are probably going to be the toughest in terms of adjustment. I've been cautioned to expect some tiredness, headaches, hunger pangs and lightheaded feelings. I can report that I have experienced some faint hunger and a little bit of a headache this evening.

I think the mental aspect of this program will undoubtedly be the biggest challenge. There are many foods that I now can't have (at least temporarily) which makes me want them all the more. That's what happens in any effort at discipline which requires denial. It requires commitment and the focus on a goal to overcome the mental obstacles that crop up. Not only does my body need to be re-shaped, so does my mind. This is why support is so critical to any endeavor that requires great change. So in addition to changing what I eat, I'm trying to learn as much as I can about nutrition and support mechanisms that are available to me. Also, I certainly will count on those of you who are my friends to cheer me on. On to day 2....
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On the Eve of the Journey

I can't remember how long its been since I was "thin". I think it was when I was in college that my weight fell into the medically acceptable normal range for my age and height. I know it wasn't long after getting married that the pounds began to accumulate. Luckily (or maybe unluckily) I married someone who knew how to cook the foods that I liked and grew up on. The one thing I really didn't count on was the shift in my metabolism that came with age. In my high school and college years I could eat indiscriminately without fear of gaining weight. In fact, when I was a high school football lineman (offensive guard) I tipped the scales at an intimidating 165 lbs. I tried to gain weight so I wouldn't get pushed around so much by those bigger defensive tackles but nothing worked. Then sometime during my freshman year of college I "ballooned" up to a whopping 185 lbs. and never looked back. My weight yo-yo'd up and down for years until the yo-yo just became yo...up and not back down.

Now in my late 50's I've had enough. I feel as though my life is slipping away. My weight has created a host of problems, not the least of which is type 2 diabetes. I lack the energy I need to do my job effectively and I just don't like being fat. I'm telling the world that I need to change my life and lose weight and that I want to be held accountable for the outcome. No more excuses or blaming it on genetics, stress, circumstances, other people or anything else. I am responsible for my situation and I'm the only one who can do anything about it. Whew! I feel lighter already!

So, right now I am at 249 lbs. I am 5'11" so that puts my BMI (Body Mass Index) at 34.7 which is in the obese category. My BMI should be under 25. My goal weight is 175 lbs. which will give me a BMI of 24.4 and put me at dead sexy. (Austin Powers look out!)

From here on out I will blog on my progress and share my thoughts and feelings, successes and setbacks with anyone who cares to read them. My hope, as previously stated in yesterday's blog, is to be an encouragement to anyone else who may find themselves in similar circumstances. As an apprentice of Jesus Christ, I know He is with me and teaching me in every area of my life and He will also be my trusted guide in this particular journey.

Above is my "Before" picture taken today. I will update my picture on a monthly basis until I reach my goal. I can't wait to share the transformation! I welcome all comments and encouragement.

Blessings!

A New Journey Begins

Super Bowl Sunday, February 6, 2011
Ok. It's time. I'm ready to do something about my weight. This week (Feb 10) I will turn 57 and I'm basically in the worst shape of my life, physically. After seeing how much weight my good friend Kevin Hofer lost using the Medifast diet plan (check it out at www.medifast1.com ) I decided to go on the program myself. With Kevin's help, I've ordered the food, which is supposed to arrive tomorrow, and will officially begin on Tuesday.

At the suggestion of a friend, I've decided to blog about my weight loss journey. So beginning on Tuesday I will be blogging all about my experience in all of its detail and you can follow my progress right here. I can't promise a post every day but I will commit to at least twice a week. I'll start Tuesday's post with all the vital facts about my weight and physical condition. I'll post a starting photo and then update my pic periodically. I hope that my journey and my story will encourage others to lose the weight they need to or make changes in their lives that they know they need to make. I will also integrate elements of my faith journey in my blog as well.

I hope you'll support me in my efforts to find that smaller person inside me.

Casting Stones at Dirty Windows

I often pass by a storefront or other business that have not had their windows cleaned for a very long time. It's not a pretty sight. Windows have a way of collecting dust, mud, fingerprints, bird poop, grease smudges, water spots, posters and their accompanying tape residue. (I won't even mention some of the other more disgusting things I've seen on the surface of a window!) I've seen some that have been neglected for so long that you can't see through them any more. I mean, that's the point of having a window isn't it? If you don't want to see through it just make it into a wall. Don't they realize that windows need regular cleaning?

As a window cleaner, it's amazing what some people will put up with because they either don't want to spend the money to have their windows cleaned or they don't want to spend their own energy and time in cleaning them. They become complacent with the way things are rather than change them. When I look at dirty windows that have been neglected for a long period of time, my righteous indignation starts to rise and quickly turns into judgment regarding the owner of the aforementioned windows. That little voice inside my head starts saying things like, "If their windows are this dirty I can only imagine what the rest of the place looks like." Before long I've relegated the the offender to a lower rung on the social strata and thanked God in heaven that I'm not a "sinner" like them.

Then in the midst of my self-righteous pronouncements I get a little twinge of guilt. Hold on a minute. I guess I'm really not much different myself. The truth is I must confess to complacency in far too many areas of my own life. Not in every area mind you, but in far too many for me to be handing out reprimands to others for their own neglectfulness. Sigh. God have mercy on me, a sinner.

When Brush Comes to Scrub

The main tools of a window cleaner are his or her scrubber and squeegee. Both t-shaped instruments allow you to soap down the window and then "dry" it by channeling the soapy water off the glass. The scrubber is actually a wash cloth of sorts that soaks up the soapy water and transfers it to the window. The squeegee is a rubber blade apparatus that drys the window by channeling the water down the pane. The art of window cleaning is in mastering the squeegee. It takes practice to quickly dry the window in one smooth motion (especially on a very hot day). This treatment works just fine 95% of the time.

There are times, however, when after cleaning the window you notice there are some stubborn spots or debris on the window. Fingerprints on the inside of the windows of a restaurant are usually the most stubborn because there's usually sticky food residue such as pancake syrup or grease. A second treatment with the scrubber usually takes care of it but sometimes the spots require the use of a razor blade or 0000 gauge steel wool. Quadruple "0" gauge is super fine and won't scratch or permanently mark the window. It's the only gauge of steel wool that you can use. The steel wool is a marvel tool because it quickly removes the stubborn spots without harming the glass.

As I pursue personal growth, I find that a good book, a motivational lecture or a training conference act as the super fine steel wool to remove the stubborn spots without damaging the window of my spirit. I'm grateful for those who are willing to share their wisdom gained through their own growth journey and help my "window" to shine a little brighter. Like the steel wool, their words can be a little abrasive to my current situation but all the while helping to make me better in the long run.
Benjamin Disraeli once said, "The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own." To all who would do me good by revealing to me the riches of my life, scrub away!

Part 2

Ok, so it's time to wrap this up. (Thanks Mott for taking time to comment. Your insights are always right on.)

One of my favorite Biblical stories is the one about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. (See John 11) As the narrative goes, Lazarus has been dead for a few days by the time Jesus reaches his tomb. The first thing that Jesus does is cry. He has empathy for those who are in deep sorrow. Next, He calls Lazarus to come out and lo and behold he does. In those days the body was prepared for burial by wrapping it up in spice laden fabric so as to reduce the odor and help mitigate the decaying process for as long as possible. So in my mind's eye, when Jesus calls Lazarus to come out of the tomb, I see him hopping out wrapped up like a mummy. It's kind of a comical scene when you think about it. I imagine him "waking up" and going "What the...?"

I love what Jesus said next. It doesn't seem like a big deal at first glance but I think it's huge on a relational scale. He tells the people there to take off his grave clothes and let him go. Lazarus was back from the dead but still bound up in stinky grave clothes. The miraculous power of God needed the relational help of the community to make him fully alive and free.

The dirty spots on the window glass of my life sometimes acts as grave clothes that bind me up. Like I said before, some of the dirt is self-inflicted and some from other sources. It could be as small as a rotten attitude or critical spirit and as big as a severe wound delivered through abuse. Doesn't matter. What does matter is my belief in a power greater than myself to bring me out of my dark tomb and a community of friends who will help me shed the vestiges of death through their honest, faithful friendship.

Dirt: The Window Cleaner's Friend

One of these days they may invent a window that never needs cleaning. Until they do, however, window cleaners will always be around. There are times when I'm cleaning a window and someone will invariably say something like "You know, it's just going to get dirty again." And I just look at them, smile and say, "I'm counting on it."

Dirt on the glass is one thing I can always count on. It doesn't matter how clean I get the window, the next time I return it will be dirty. How dirty depends on how long it's been between cleanings. Dirt is a fact of life for windows. It comes from everywhere: rain, vehicles, birds, wind, people...all contribute their share. Sometimes it's very visible and sometimes you can only detect it in the right light.

So how does this relate to life? You know the saying, "s***t happens"? I think we are like windows in that we run into a lot of "dirt" in the course of everyday life. We pick it up from a variety of places. Relationships are a prime source. We have a fight with a friend or spouse. We say hurtful things that have a way of sticking on others. You get the idea.

Because we all pick up dirt, self-inflicted and otherwise, we need a regular visit from a "window cleaner." What kind of window cleaner? Thanks for asking. Before sharing my particular thoughts I'd like to hear yours. Any thoughts?

All God's Children Got Spots

I am a window cleaner. I didn't start out to be one but that's where my journey has lead me thus far. I never thought I'd be a window cleaner but I've learned that it doesn't really matter what you do, it matters who you become. But that's for another post.

My blog is called "Spots on the Glass" and my idea in starting this adventure is to engage in conversation about life through the metaphor of a window. Every window has spots, be they dirt or imperfections in the glass itself. Before I started my window cleaning business I never paid that much attention to windows. Now I see windows in a totally different way. I notice if they're clean or dirty; whether they have scratches, fingerprints, calcium deposits or even cracks and holes.

People are a lot like windows. Like windows, they come in all shapes and sizes. Also like windows, some are very clear and easy to see through. We say a person like that is very transparent. You never have to guess about intentions, motives or hidden agendas. Other windows are opaque or tinted and difficult or impossible to see through. We tend to be wary and suspicious of people who are like that. And still other windows are somewhere in between. Hopefully you get the idea.

The one thing that all windows and all people have in common is that they all have spots or imperfections. Some spots on a window are easily removed with a wet scrubber and squeegee. Others require scrubbing or chemicals and some are permanent in the glass and no amount of "cleaning" will ever remove them.

I invite you to join the conversation about spots on the window, either your own or just what you've observed. How do you try to clean your spots? What have you noticed about others that they may have not noticed themselves? As a window cleaner, I've cleaned windows for businesses whose windows have not been cleaned for a long time and invariably the owner is amazed (and delighted) at how clean the windows have become when I'm finished. He or she had gotten so used to dirty windows that they no longer see the dirt but accept the view through their windows as normal or clean. What things have we come to accept as normal and no longer see as dirty until someone comes along to "clean our window"?

One more thing. No judgments here. This is not a blog for pointing out what's wrong with everyone else. We all have spots. Let's celebrate our common journey and enlighten each other along the way.